You’ve been roasted. Now let’s build that fucking website.
- You made it this far.
- You’ve laughed.
- You’ve lowkey recognized yourself.
- You’ve accepted that your “business” needs to stop surviving on borrowed platforms and prayer.
Now it’s time to get serious, in the most unserious way possible.
Choose Your Website Type
This site is our protest.
It’s our roast.
It’s our way of telling you:
You deserve better — and so do your customers.
Starter Website — $400
A clean, professional website to prove you’re not playing games anymore.
- 1–5 Pages (Home, About, Contact, Services, etc.)
- Contact Form, Social Links, Google Map
- Built with WordPress + Elementor/Bricks
- Ready in 2 days or less
Advanced Website — $750
For projects that need a little more brain power.
- Directory sites, booking systems, user dashboards, etc.
- Built with WordPress + JetEngine
- Dynamic content, custom logic, clean backend
eCommerce Website — $1,200
Ready to sell without posting “DM for price” ever again?
- Product catalog with categories
- Cart, checkout, payment gateway integration
- Built with WooCommerce or SureCart
- Order tracking + customer email automation
Want Hands-Off Management?
“But what if I’m too busy to manage my site?”
For $70/month, we’ll:
- Handle plugin & theme updates
- Monitor uptime & security
- Back up your site weekly
- Add/update content (on request)
- Keep everything running like a well-fed generator